one year

It’s been one full year since Gilad passed away. A full year without our beloved brother, son, uncle, friend. A full year without that stunning smile that could light up a room, without that quick wit, without that unbending yearning to read and learn and understand both life and death.

On my way to work, I stopped by the place where I got the phone call, learning that Gilad had taken his last breath. I stopped by that bus stop in Waltham, and sat in my car for a few minutes, just remembering. Not remembering the horrible content of the call, or how our lives changed so much in its wake. Remembering those last moments when Gilad was still alive. Because that’s how I always want to remember him – smiling, alive, happy, and healthy.

Throughout this year, so much has happened and so much has changed. Right afterward Gilad died, I wrote about how I would think of something that I wanted to tell Gilad, immediately realizing that I could no longer do so, and the crushing feeling that comes with that. But as the weeks turned into months, that happened less, and the pain and sorrow became less constant; the never-ending throbbing in my heart turned into a lump in the back of my throat, and then to an ache that was only present here and there, as if brought on by changes in the weather.

This is the process of grief. We think. We remember. We laugh. We cry.

This past Sunday, we had the unveiling of Gilad’s gravestone. And like the weather, we couldn’t make up our minds as to the tone of the ceremony. As the sun turned to thunderstorms and back around again, our stories went from sad to happy, and both tears and laughter filled our faces.

We thought. We remembered. We laughed. We cried.

So it’s been a year. The crushing pain is far removed. Those once lucid memories are now somewhat foggy and muddled. But we still keep Gilad in our hearts and minds. We still think of Gilad flashing that charming smile. We remember him crawling through sewer pipes, copying his older brother’s outfits, playing guitar in the hallways at school, or just chilling. We remember him as he was – amazing, smart, charming, clever, and great.

Gilad, we miss you more than ever, but we’re doing our best to still be ok, and to continue living, even though sometimes it hurts so much to go on without you. We miss you, and we will always love you.

Bon Iver – Blood Bank

LCD Soundsystem – Someone Great

The Tallest Man on Earth – The Gardener

The Tallest Man On Earth – Weather of a Killing Kind

The Tallest Man On Earth is one of the few artists who will always release beautiful music. Everything he pens, sings, records, and performs is gold. This Adult Swim Free Download track is no exception to that.

The Tallest Man on Earth – Weather of a Killing Kind

The Tallest Man On Earth Covers Paul Simon

Thanks to Turntable.fm (my new obsession, and part of the reason why I haven’t posted in days), I’ve discovered a beautiful Tallest Man On Earth track where he covers Paul Simon’s Graceland. I figured I’d pair that up with another Paul Simon cover of his I had lying around for this post.

The Tallest Man On Earth – Graceland (Paul Simon cover)

The Tallest Man On Earth – Mother And Child Reunion (Paul Simon cover)

Happy Mother’s Day

Today, we celebrate out mothers. We celebrate those that gave us life, and taught us how to live. Yet while for most today is a day focused on happiness, for others, like my family, it’s tinged with sadness, and the realization that there’s one less person in the world who will call my mother “Ima.”

At Gilad’s funeral, my mother opened her eulogy by saying: “All I ever wanted, was to be a mother.”

Well, Ma, you still are. You are still the mother, and always will be, to four children, to two children-in-law, and to every single one of Gilad’s friends.

So yes, Gilad isn’t with us to celebrate your life and motherhood. But you are still his mother. And you are still our mother. And you always and forever will be.

Happy Mother’s Day, Ima.

Paul Simon – Mother And Child Reunion

The Tallest Man On Earth – Mother And Child Reunion (Paul Simon cover)

Happy Birthday, Dr. King

When I worked in the writing center at Yeshiva University, there was a giant poster on one of the walls of the room. The poster featured Martin Luther King Jr. and had the following quote:

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Today, we celebrate Dr. King. And interestingly, we don’t celebrate the day he was shot; we celebrate his birthday. Because, there will always be bigots, idiots, and people who don’t understand. There will always be those who hate, and those who kill. But despite that, and despite King’s assassination, the civil rights movement lives on. So we celebrate, not the hitches in the road, not the acts of hate. We celebrate the light, and we celebrate the love. Happy birthday, Dr. King.

Kanye West – All Of The Lights (Interlude)

The Tallest Man On Earth – Love Is All

Four months

This past weekend, I returned home for the first time since my brother Gilad died four months ago. I felt compelled to visit the cemetery where he was buried, knowing full well that it would be entirely different than the last time I was there. The tears were replaced by a throbbing feeling in my chest. The hot summer sun was replaced by a cold wintry chill and mounds of snow. And the friends and family who helped us bury him were replaced by an empty cemetery, with dry leaves cracking beneath our feet as we walked along the paths.

My Favorite 25 Albums of 2010: 10 – 1

And now, Part 2 of the best albums of 2010:

My Favorite 25 Albums of 2010: 25 – 11

The album, unlike the single, is a complete offering. It’s not just verse, chorus, verse, chorus, interlude, chorus, outro. It’s not one lone musical idea. It’s an entire pallet of ideas. It’s an opera, a play, a novel. The album can be one of the greatest pieces of art, and when properly done, it’s magical.

And so, here are my favorite albums of 2010 (part 1):

My Favorite 10 11 Singles of 2010

In this musical day and age, the single has once again become the most important item to further an artist’s career. It started off as the single, in the 60s when bands were forced by their record companies to put out a new single every few weeks. Then we moved to the golden age of the album, where bands were allowed the creativity and given the time to properly craft entire musical theses, instead of mere thoughts. Then we moved to the music video, and now, in the age of the internet, mixtapes, and iTunes downloads – the single is the most powerful musical item once again.

While I prefer albums, I must admit that as a blogger, singles are my bread and butter. Leaked albums are few and far between these days, so single releases or leaks are what I’m able to hear, share, and write about the most. And so, I present to you my favorite 10 11 singles of 2010:

Love is all

The Tallest Man On Earth – Love Is All

Well I walk upon the river like it’s easier than land
Evil’s in my pocket and your will is in my hand
Oh, your will is in my hand

And I’ll throw it in the current that I stand upon so still
Love is all, from what I’ve heard, but my heart’s learned to kill
Oh, mine has learned to kill