Can I Get A Little Respect

[This guest post was written by my dear mother.]
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There is music coursing through my boys’ souls, through Ariel’s and the other boys, and my daughter is drawn to it, too. On this blog you’ve heard <a href=”https://troubledsoulsunite.wordpress.com/posts-about-gilad/gilad-schwartz_the-unreleased-demo/”>Gilad jamming</a>; he lived and breathed this stuff. Music speaks to my kids, gives them a kick and a buzz, and for Gilad it was often his escape.
My kids know that <a href=”https://troubledsoulsunite.wordpress.com/2010/08/10/grateful-dead-live-at-red-rocks-8-12-79/”>their dad was a Dead-Head</a>, and he followed Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and the Stones instead of reading his college texts. He went to concerts and he was cool, at least until he met me, which has become our family legend. But what my kids don’t know is that their mom feels music in her soul, too. It speaks to me and always has, ever since I listened to bad AM radio on my <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/transistor_radios/2148277082/in/set-72157603582052998/”>Panasonic toot-a-loop radio in groovy yellow</a>, and walked to Sam Goody (the former FYE) to pick up each week’s paper list (on actual paper – no computer searches then) of Top-40 hits. I played guitar through my teens, collected sheet music and belonged to every choir. It’s why I turn up the volume when I’m alone washing my kitchen floor or driving around in my car. Music simply stirs me in a profound way, just like it does for my daughter and sons. So what can I do to get a little respect here?<!–more–>
My kids think that since I favored Karen Carpenter, Olivia Newton John and Roberta Flack, given that I never went to concerts in high school, and because I cannot – not ever – recognize artists or identify a song on the radio after 10 seconds (a family game), I’m not a fan of their caliber or dimension. Oh, how wrong they are.
Music is what I turned to in my car last week, during a lonely drive from NY back home. I rely on my kids to burn CDs for me since they all have an uncanny way of knowing my taste within their own genre. And no, I am not an iPod user, because I honestly can’t hear the world around me with my ears plugged. Call me crazy, but I still want respect.
Alone in the car, the rain had thankfully stopped but the darkness descended quickly and it was just me and my thoughts along the miles. I spoke aloud to the son we lost, the brother Ariel mourns, which I often do in the car. I asked him to be with me during my drive home. So was it a coincidence that I inserted the CD that my younger son made for me, replete with Pearl Jam, Dispatch, State Radio, and Dave Matthews? I blared the music and hit the pedal, and flew home with tears streaming down my face. The words touched my heart and my soul and I found new meaning in songs I had surely heard before. I listened to the music and channeled my son for a good portion of the drive home.
Ariel and Gilad played Dispatch’s Hey-Hey together during his last days on earth, and my breath catches in my throat each time I hear it. Gilad could barely move his fingers on the guitar, but jammed with a full heart and rocked to the music which was playing so perfectly in his head. We knew it would be their last jam session ever.
<strong>Dispatch – Hey Hey</strong> <blockquote>Well I’m moving kind of slowDown that same old pathWasting time inside this hour glassShe’s coming up ahead nowAnd I feel, yes I feel
say what you want, say what you meanquestion yourself are you really what you seem?say who you are, say what you meanquestion yourself are you really what you dream?

fall down your back, fall down your backI will not, I will not hold, hold you backyou don’t seem like you careFall back…</blockquote><strong>John Butler Trio – Better Than</strong><blockquote>All the time while you’re looking awayThere are things you can do manThere’s things you can say
To the ones you’re withWith whom you’re spending your dayGet your gaze off tomorrowAnd let come what may
You can be better than thatDon’t let it get the better of youWhat could be better than nowLife’s not about what’s better</blockquote><strong>Pearl Jam – Just Breathe</strong><blockquote>Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh,..As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh,..I’m a lucky man to count on both handsThe ones I love..

Yeh, I don’t wanna hurt, there’s so much in this worldTo make me bleed.
Stay with meYou’re all I see.
Did I say that I need you?Did I say that I want you?
I wonder everydayas I look upon your face, aw huhEverything you gaveAnd nothing you would take</blockquote><strong>Zox – Leaving Me</strong><blockquote>I know you’re leaving methis is not the way that I was brought up to believe that it would beI know you’re leaving meI’m running round in circles trying to figure outjust who I’m supposed to be
but my mind’s on miseryand I know there’s time until you’re gonebut I can’t let it beI can’t let it be</blockquote>Thank you, Ariel, for letting me share. Your music – Gilad’s music – has now become mine. Maybe now I can get a little respect.

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