[This guest post was written by my dear mother.]
There is music coursing through my boys’ souls, through Ariel’s and the other boys, and my daughter is drawn to it, too. On this blog you’ve heard Gilad jamming; he lived and breathed this stuff. Music speaks to my kids, gives them a kick and a buzz, and for Gilad it was often his escape.
My kids know that their dad was a Dead-Head, and he followed Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and the Stones instead of reading his college texts. He went to concerts and he was cool, at least until he met me, which has become our family legend. But what my kids don’t know is that their mom feels music in her soul, too. It speaks to me and always has, ever since I listened to bad AM radio on my Panasonic toot-a-loop radio in groovy yellow, and walked to Sam Goody (the former FYE) to pick up each week’s paper list (on actual paper – no computer searches then) of Top-40 hits. I played guitar through my teens, collected sheet music and belonged to every choir. It’s why I turn up the volume when I’m alone washing my kitchen floor or driving around in my car. Music simply stirs me in a profound way, just like it does for my daughter and sons. So what can I do to get a little respect here?
My kids think that since I favored Karen Carpenter, Olivia Newton John and Roberta Flack, given that I never went to concerts in high school, and because I cannot – not ever – recognize artists or identify a song on the radio after 10 seconds (a family game), I’m not a fan of their caliber or dimension. Oh, how wrong they are.
Music is what I turned to in my car last week, during a lonely drive from NY back home. I rely on my kids to burn CDs for me since they all have an uncanny way of knowing my taste within their own genre. And no, I am not an iPod user, because I honestly can’t hear the world around me with my ears plugged. Call me crazy, but I still want respect.
Alone in the car, the rain had thankfully stopped but the darkness descended quickly and it was just me and my thoughts along the miles. I spoke aloud to the son we lost, the brother Ariel mourns, which I often do in the car. I asked him to be with me during my drive home. So was it a coincidence that I inserted the CD that my younger son made for me, replete with Pearl Jam, Dispatch, State Radio, and Dave Matthews? I blared the music and hit the pedal, and flew home with tears streaming down my face. The words touched my heart and my soul and I found new meaning in songs I had surely heard before. I listened to the music and channeled my son for a good portion of the drive home.
Ariel and Gilad played Dispatch’s Hey-Hey together during his last days on earth, and my breath catches in my throat each time I hear it. Gilad could barely move his fingers on the guitar, but jammed with a full heart and rocked to the music which was playing so perfectly in his head. We knew it would be their last jam session ever.
Dispatch – Hey Hey
Well I’m moving kind of slow
Down that same old path
Wasting time inside this hour glass
She’s coming up ahead now
And I feel, yes I feel
say what you want, say what you mean
question yourself are you really what you seem?
say who you are, say what you mean
question yourself are you really what you dream?
fall down your back, fall down your back
I will not, I will not hold, hold you back
you don’t seem like you care
John Butler Trio – Better Than
All the time while you’re looking away
There are things you can do man
There’s things you can say
To the ones you’re with
With whom you’re spending your day
Get your gaze off tomorrow
And let come what may
You can be better than that
Don’t let it get the better of you
What could be better than now
Life’s not about what’s better
Pearl Jam – Just Breathe
Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh,..
I’m a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love..
Yeh, I don’t wanna hurt, there’s so much in this world
To make me bleed.
Stay with me
You’re all I see.
Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face, aw huh
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take
Zox – Leaving Me
I know you’re leaving me
this is not the way that I was brought up to believe that it would be
I know you’re leaving me
I’m running round in circles trying to figure out
just who I’m supposed to be
but my mind’s on misery
and I know there’s time until you’re gone
but I can’t let it be
I can’t let it be
Thank you, Ariel, for letting me share. Your music – Gilad’s music – has now become mine. Maybe now I can get a little respect.