Tebowing Is Bad For You

Tim Tebow is a terrible QB. Statistically speaking, the man is abysmal. First of all, he doesn’t pass the ball. In the eight games played this season he has thrown a mere 125 times. That’s about 15 throws a game. Compare that with Jay Cutler, the QB for the run-heavy Bears, who throws 30 passes a game. To make this clear, the QB for the team that has running sensation Matt Forte throws more than the QB who’s starting running back is a washed-up Willis McGahee. And then there’s his completion percentage which is 46.9% – which means that of ever two passes he throws, fewer that one are actually caught.

Yes somehow, the man is winning. Somehow, Tebow is leading my beloved Broncos to the top of the (admittedly bad) AFC West. The media chalks it up to his “intangibles.” Which is code for “we have no idea how this guy is winning but he is, so let’s make up a stupid word to explain the inexplicable.” As a statistically bent human being, I über-loathe this approach to explaining sports.

But let’s take a step back first. First, I know this is a music blog, but I also happen to be a sports fan, most specifically a Denver Broncos fan. I was born in Denver, and though we had moved to Baltimore right around my 3rd birthday, I was a Broncos fan for life. First of all, my dad is a lifelong fan. Legend has it that I was with my father when he watched  both The Drive and The Fumble (sorry Cleveland). So even though we moved to Baltimore, we didn’t have the Ravens yet, and so my football allegiance was forever solidified with the Broncos of Denver.

So what does this have to do with music? Nothing. I just wanted to write about Tim “the idiot” Tebow.

So Tebow is bad. It’s been statistically proven. So why is he winning? The religious would say that it’s his faith in his lord and savior that is propelling this mildly talented football player to a 4-1 record this season. NFL broadcasters and sportswriters attribute it to his aforementioned “intangibles.” I would disagree there. It all comes down to terrible coaching, and poor football decisions.

Tim Tebow is what we call a “wild card.” He’s a threat, not because he’s particularly talented, but because he doesn’t act like he’s expected to act. He’ll just as likely hand it off as run it himself. And he won’t slide – he’ll run right into linebackers to gain a few more yards. Broncos fans love this. They love grit and gutsy players. They loved it when John Elways helicoptered over LeRoy Butler in Super Bowl XXXII. They loved it when Terrell Davis would play through migraines. And they love Tim Tebow.

Personally, I would rather almost anyone play QB for the Broncos. Am I happy with the wins? Yes, of course. Do I think it’s sustainable? Not a chance. Tebow’s status as a “wild-card” will only last so long, and his inability to throw should give defenses a clue into how to play this team.

So while I’m enjoying this little winning spurt, there’s no way that a QB who can’t throw the ball can actually win a playoff game, and that’s why I want Jay Cutler back. Jay Cutler? Yes. That trade for Kyle Orton was the dumbest thing since the Orioles traded David Wells for Jimmy Key, and I want it reversed on account of stupidity.

Is there a point to this rant? No. Only that Tim Tebow is a doofus. NFL defenses are doofusier for letting him run all over them. And if Denver wins the Super Bowl under him, I will gladly eat this post.

Moral of the story: Tebowing is bad for you, the Broncos don’t have a chance with Mr. Tebow at QB, and I will continue to be plagued by following sports teams which have under-performed for the last ten years.

Tom Waits – Bad As Me

2 responses to “Tebowing Is Bad For You

  1. It has been funny seeing the analysts trying to explain Tebow’s success. Most have just thrown in the towel, and said that he wins (as you say for now) because teams have not figured him out.

    The best thing for the Broncos is their defense and their schedule. Someone has to win that sorry division, and if the D gives up only 10 or so points per game, then they could punt on first down and still be in it.

  2. I initially thought that you were referencing Cutler because of your Chicago alliance, but then I realized he was a Bronco. Tebow may be a doofus, but Cutler is a douche with a broken thumb. And anyways, none of them can compete with the Rogers. Go Pack!